Whiskey Lullaby
by GrungeDew
Summary: Greg leaves Nick after he finds out about his relationship with Kate, but Nick isn't willing to let go. Can Nick prove his undying love for Greg before it's too late? Greg/Nick pairing. (Warning: possible character death)
1. Chapter 1

Please note that English is not my native language, I'm scared that I completely made a fool out of myself :D Also expect a lot of typos and grammar mistakes haha. I hope you enjoy my first story ever. Yayy.

Warnings:

\- Possible character death

\- Suicide &amp; depression themes

\- Nick/Greg pairing

Summary:

Greg leaves Nick after he finds out about his relationship with Kate, but Nick isn't willing to let go. Can Nick prove his undying love for Greg before it's too late?

Disclaimer:

I do not own any of the characters except Kate.

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**Whiskey Lullaby**

**Chapter 1: I had to.**

It had been 2 months since the breakup, but Nick still wasn't over Greg. He had brought a new guy home every chance he got just to fuck his mind away from the man he loved more than life itself. It only worked for the time being though, because imminently after he'd run out of his high, there would be only one face in his mind. And that face belonged to Greg Sanders.

The breakup wasn't very pleasant for either of the guys. The fight was the worst they had ever had. Nick didn't even know that his sweet and innocent Greg could yell so fucking loud and actually be intimidating, and that scared Nick more than ever. He had been the reason to break Greg's mask.

Sure they had had many fights, they had been together for 3 years for crying out loud. Fights are perfectly normal in relationships. But they were NEVER this bad. Some of them were pretty bad, lasting for weeks even. Some of them were more like arguments, but this one… This one was something else. Nick was sure Greg would never even think about hitting him, but at the time he was so angry that Nick actually doubted himself. Of course Greg didn't do it, he's all about anti-violence, especially after his beating. Nick felt so stupid for even thinking that he could do that.

The worst night of Nick's life started very normal. They arrived from work worn out, warmed up some leftovers, collapsed on the couch and turned on the TV. They chatted, laughed, maybe drank a little too much beer and ended up making out after the show was over. Then it happened.

"_Nick?"_

"_Don't stop" Nick moaned and started to kiss Greg again, but Greg turned his face away. "Hey… what's wrong honey?"_

"_Are you… I don't… I mean I kinda get this feeling…" Greg was struggling to say what he wanted to say. He had suspected this for few weeks now, but never got the courage to ask his boyfriend about it. I mean could Nick really do something like that? He was the sweetest guy he had ever met, and had the heart of gold. Could he? "You're so gonna hate me if I'm wrong about this."_

"_What is it babe?" Nick was getting a little nervous._

"_Are you cheating on me?" Greg blurted. _

_Nick felt all the color fade away from his face. Kate Burkhardt. Nick knew he did the wrong thing when he started seeing her behind Greg's back, but he had to. __**He had to**__. His parents are expecting him to get married and start getting kids of his own soon. He wasn't getting any younger. _

The subject of his parents and having kids had always created a little disagreement between the two lovers, because Nick swore to himself that he would never bring himself to reveal his true sexuality to his mom and dad. A flaming homosexual in a very strict Christian family – ingredients for suicide. Greg tried to tell him that if his parents really loved him, they would approve him with time, and if they didn't, why would Nick want to waste his happiness with Greg just to have the approval of the parents that didn't love their son. Deep inside Nick's heart he knew that Greg was right, but he ignored it.

And when it comes to having kids, the story is short… Nick wants kids, Greg doesn't.

So when his mother's questions about his love life were getting painfully frequent, he decided to do something he regretted now more than ever. He found a girl, started seeing her _just enough to keep her around_ and came home to his true love. He NEVER had sex with her, or even showed any intimacy, because he couldn't do that to Greg, he loved him too much. Nick just dated her to please his parents. Of course Kate started asking if he was ready to take their relationship further on the bedroom area, but he told her that he's had hard time with sexual stuff after the incident with his babysitter. She said she understood and would be there for him if he ever wanted to talk about it. He had only told Greg and Catherine about the babysitter, and it sickened Nick to think that a complete stranger now knew his story, but then again: He _had_ to tell her.

_Nick was scared shitless. How stupid could he be, he's dating a level 3 CSI for God's sake. Of course Greg was going to find out. Apparently Nick's silence said it all. _

"_Oh my god…" Greg pushed Nick to the side as he sprinted off the couch, towards the door. Nick ran after him, grabbing his wrist and spun Greg around. He had never seen anything as scary as the look in Greg's eyes. _

"_Let me explain"_

Then it began. Nick was desperately trying to get Greg to realize why he did what he did. Making sure Greg knew that he didn't love Kate nor wanted anything from her. She was there just to stop his parents' questions. He told Greg that she didn't mean shit to him, but Greg didn't care. He yelled at him, calling Nick stupid to think that his stupid plan would ever work because it was just plain _stupid_. And he was right, even Nick knew it was stupid.

Then started the name calling and all the nasty words. On both sides. Nick was also getting angry because Greg just couldn't see that he did it to save their relationship. If his parents ever found out that he was fucking a dude, they would probably try to burn Greg in a bonfire for turning their son gay. Then probably throw Nick in the flames with him just to get rid of the evidence of any homosexuality in their family. They screamed at each other for a whole hour before Greg just left. Saying "fuck you" to each other, their relationship was over. And Nick hadn't stopped crying himself to sleep ever since.

He had lost Greg.

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So that was it! :D The first ever chapter of the first ever story I've written! I know I'm not the best writer, but I hope you enjoyed it! :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Is he worth it?**

If Nick said things were awkward between him and his ex-boyfriend, he would be underestimating the situation. They only talked if they worked a case together and Greg was avoiding him, Nick was sure of it. But in all honesty he didn't blame him, he would avoid himself too. Hell, he would even hit himself, but Greg was too good for that. Greg was too good for him.

Everybody at work knew that Nick and Greg had been together and couldn't have been happier for them, so it killed them inside to see the boys separating. They were _the perfect couple_. Catherine and Sara had told them that if they ever broke up they would whoop their asses. The girls were joking of course, but now Nick wouldn't even mind. He deserved all the pain.

The 2 months after the breakup were a hell on earth. Nick slept around, got drunk and drowned himself in self-hate. He broke up with Kate the same night the things had ended up with Greg. He told her that it had nothing to do with her, because he was a good guy like that. Or was he? He didn't think he was cheating on Greg, because there was no sex or feelings involved, she was just… there. But he knew it was wrong and that Greg had all the reasons in the world to hate him.

He walked towards the break room to get some coffee before heading home to drink away the memories of the man that he used to share his bed with.

_Speak of the devil. _

Greg was sitting there chatting with Sara, back towards him so he was oblivious to Nick's presence. He had stopped himself before entering the room so Sara didn't know he was there either.

"Hey… How are you holding up really? And I'm not believing in that _I'm fine_ crap, because you're not." Sara asked Greg concerned.

"To be honest? I'm not… I hate him for what he did, but I still love him. Would I ever take him back? No. "

_Ouch_

"Will I ever get over him? Probably not, but I'm willing to try. I mean he was my whole world Sara, he put me together. You know how fucked up I am, I haven't really had anyone who loved me with all my stupid problems."

Greg was right, he was kind of fucked up. Not in a hateful way, he just had many problems. He and Greg once spend a whole night having a heart-to-heart talk when they shared each other's experiences with a bitch called life. He told Nick everything. How he got kicked out of his own home after his father caught him kissing a boy, how his grandpa took him under his wings and paid his college and how he had fought his way to Vegas and got a job.

**Then the really dark stuff.**

In those years Greg got addicted to drugs and alcohol. He fell into a deep depression and has been dealing with it ever since. He had seen Greg's arms. He felt like throwing up after seeing all those cuts. Nick's heart broke knowing how much pain his boyfriend had gone through and he swore to himself that he would do all he could to take Greg's pain away.

_Well that worked out nicely… Well played Stokes. _

"Have you thought about calling your therapist?" Sara asked. She wanted nothing more than her best friend to get better. She hated Nick for breaking Greg's heart, but she still loved him, just like Greg.

"No way… I'm not going back there." Greg spat out. Nick knew how much Greg hated therapy. They had a fight about it after Greg's beating because he refused to see a therapist. "I'll be alright, don't worry"

Nick felt guilty because he was eavesdropping, so he decided against the coffee and headed straight to home.

No bars. No strangers in his bed. No alcohol. Just he and his pillow.

He thought a lot about his situation with Greg. If he showed his parents his true colors, would Greg take him back? Would it be worth it? He could have the love of his life back, but lose his family. Or he could move on and keep his parents' respect that he had fought for his entire life. Being the youngest in the family was hard for him since he was always the weakest.

He was _just_ Nick.

But not anymore. Now he was something to be proud of. He was Nicholas Stokes, level 3 CSI, working in the second best crime lab in the country, saving lives every day. His family looked up to him, was he really willing to throw it away for some guy?

But that's the point… Greg wasn't just _some guy_. He was amazing. He has never loved anyone as much as he loves his Greggo. He would _die_ for him.

But still he chose his parents over the guy he was gonna spend the _rest of his life with_?

Nick sat up so quickly that he blacked out for a second. _Stokes, you're such an idiot! What have you done!?_

Nick knew he had to fix his relationship with Greg and he would start the fight now. He ran through his house to make the call that could change his life.

I know my chapters are short, but I haven't ever really written anything so yeah… I hope you liked it though :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: You cheated.**

Nick had never felt more worn out than after he put down his phone. The call had gone just like he imagined it would. He wasn't welcomed to the ranch anymore, because he wasn't part of the family. Not anymore.

Much to his surprise, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Greg was right all along. His parents didn't love him, so why would he waste his time on them. He's much happier with Greg.

At least he was… because now Greggo was gone from his life.

He had to get him back though. He wouldn't give up on Greg, he was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He was Nick's _everything_.

Nick was nervously fiddling with his necklace. Greg was coming over. He was actually willing to talk to Nick, after everything he's done. Nick admired his ex for many reasons, and this was one of them. He had suggested meeting somewhere, anywhere, he didn't care, he just wanted to talk to Greg.

Greg's POV

_What the hell are you doing Sanders? You promised you wouldn't take him back, he's just gonna break your heart again. _

"I'm not gonna take him back" Greg muttered under his breath. "He just wants to talk, but I'm not gonna fall back into his arms. I won't. I refuse."

_Great. Now you're talking to yourself. You know, you're not far from mental hospital. _

"Shut up." He was going crazy, he knew it.

It was Nick's day off and Greg had just finished his shift so he decided to stop by and get this over with since thei… _Nick's_ apartment was on the way to his new one.

He didn't know why he agreed to meet Nick, he knew it was going to hurt. But something in his heart told him that Nick had something important to tell him.

He still wasn't gonna take him back, that's for sure.

When Nick heard the doorbell his heart dropped to his stomach. Greg was here.

The knocking brought Nick back from his shock, but he couldn't move.

"Nick!? Open the door! It's raining like crazy, I'm going to get sick!" he heard Greg yell behind the door.

Somehow Nick found the strength to move his legs and began walking towards Greg's voice. He stopped in front of the door for a second, and then opened it. _This is gonna be harder than I thought_.

As soon as the door opened, a wet Greg ran past him to warm himself up.

"Geez, what took you so long? You were the one who wanted to talk." Greg breathed out.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit out of it." Nick said. "I can get you towels-"

"Don't bother." Greg interrupted. "Just say what you want to say, I had a bad day and all I want is to go home."

Greg did look like death and it worried Nick. He couldn't help wondering if Greg's depression was getting worse. He wanted to ask him about it, but he decided to wait until they've made up. _If_ they made up.

Greg sat on the couch in which he had spent 3 years of his life cuddling Nick, sleeping, watching movies and… well, something else. Nick lowered himself next to Greg, not too close, not too far.

"I know you're angry at me, and you have every right to be." Nick started. He really hadn't thought this through.

"Cut the crap and get to the point. I've heard your apologies a million times, just tell me why I'm here" Greg sounded really tired.

Nick realized that Greg wanted to make this quick, so he just went for it. "I came out to my parents."

This seemed to pick up Greg's interest. His head shot up and he looked Nick in the eyes for the first time in 2 months. Nick stared in Greg's eyes for few seconds. _God, I forgot how beautiful your eyes really are. I love you so much. Please forgive me. _

"What?" Greg whispered. Did he hear right? Nick, the _all-I-need-is-my-parents-approval_ ex-boyfriend of his just said he finally came out of the closet. To his Christian parents. Was he lying? "What… What did they say?"

Nick showed a little sad smile, and Greg knew.

"I'm sorry" Greg said, and he genuinely was. He went through it all, felt the pain of disapproval and getting kicked out of his own family. Only Greg was only 15 when it happened. But he knew it was better than having parents who didn't love him.

"It's ok, I actually feel better now", Nick smiled. "It's finally done and the weight has been lifted out of my shoulders. I mean yeah, it sucks, but I realized that you were right. It's better to spend your life with someone who loves you than without love at all."

_Uh oh… He wants me back._ Greg swallowed deep. He didn't want to take Nick back. He didn't want to be with the man that was willing to cheat on him just so he wouldn't have to come out to his family.

But he just did…

_No Greg, he CHEATED on you._

But I love him.

"Greg?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. Those soft dark brown eyes that he had fallen for many years ago looked down on him, lips moving, but he couldn't hear a sound.

"I uh… You… You told your parents you're gay before you knew if I was gonna take you back?" that was a bold move from Nick. Maybe he really is serious about this.

"Yes", Nick whispered. "I wanted to show you that I really do love you more than my parents. I love you more than anything. I know I did wrong with Kate, but there was _nothing_ between me and her. We didn't even kiss, Greg. She was there just for the show"

"It doesn't matter, Nick. You _cheated_" Greg loathed that word. _Cheated_. His boyfriend had cheated on him.

"But I didn't-"

"You did, Nick. Maybe not sexually, but mentally. You cheated on me and that's something I cannot forgive." Greg stood up from the couch and walked to the door, Nick quickly behind him.

"Greg, wait."

"Why should I!?" he spun around, almost colliding with Nick who had hurried after him.

"I know I cheated, I know I hurt you and I know it was wrong, but I really, really, really, really do regret everything I did. I was stupid and didn't realize that I had everything there right in front of me. I was too blind to see that I had found the reason of my existence. It was never to please my parents, it was to be with you. " Nick was crying freely at this point. He didn't give a fuck anymore, he just wanted Greg back.

Greg was also breaking. He tried to stop the tears, but he couldn't. He was starting to forgive Nick, but he still didn't want to take him back. It just wouldn't work out anymore. "I'm sorry… I can't do this." was all he said after he walked out of the door.

The cold rain hit Greg's face, but he didn't mind. At least it would cover all the tears that were pouring down his face as hard as the rain. Why does love have to be so hard?

Nick stood there for few seconds watching the door before he ran after Greg. He wouldn't back down.

"Greg!" Nick shouted through rain. "Greg please just listen to me!"

Greg stopped and turned around. "There's nothing to say anymore."

Nick stopped in front of Greg wanting to kiss him. He longed for those lips, that nose, those eyes, everything about Greg. He was perfect. Crafted by angels. And Nick wanted to shoot himself for letting him go.

"Tell me one good reason, besides my ignorance, why we shouldn't be together-"

"I don't want kids."

It only just now hit Greg fully. They were never gonna have a future together because they wanted different things.

"You want kids of your own, but I can't give them to you. Let alone want them" It was true. Greg loved kids and he was really good with them, but he didn't want to bring an innocent child to this cruel world. Sure, they could adopt one who was already brought to this world, but was left without parents, but Greg didn't think he'd be able to take care of a child when his own life was so messed up.

"But what if I don't anymore…" Nick couldn't believe he had said those words. He also couldn't believe that he was actually honest about it. "What if I don't want kids anymore?"

"You're just saying that-"

"No", Nick interrupted. "I've been thinking a lot about this situation, and I'm being 100% honest when I say I don't want kids anymore. Now when I'm disowned, and you haven't had your family in years, our kids wouldn't have grandparents or any other relatives." The rain was getting harder and Nick was sure they would catch at least a cold from standing there without jackets on, but he didn't care. He continued

"Also, our job isn't very family friendly. You know how hard Catherine is struggling to make some time to Lindsay. Not to mention the danger we'd be putting them into." Nick began to realize how true it all was.

"Nick-"

"No wait. I'm not finished. I don't want a kid because you're right, how could we look after a small child when we're both mentally unstable? You have your own problems and I have mine. It would be just cruel to bring a child to this family. All we need is each other, right?" Nick was desperate. He didn't want to lose Greg. Not again.

Greg's smile was the saddest he had ever seen. "Nick… those are reasons why _we_ can't have children." Greg's voice cracked. They really were over. "You can have the perfect family you've always wanted. With somebody. Somebody who isn't unstable, works a normal nine-to-five job and actually wants kids as much as you do. Somebody who isn't _me_."

And then Greg started walking back towards his car.

"No, wait…" Nick was now crying harder than before. "Greg! Wait… Please just… please don't leave!"

But Greg didn't listen. He got into his car and drove away. _For the last time._

Nick stayed outside for another hour just bawling his eyes out. The rain hadn't stopped, but Nick wanted to feel the cold. He wanted to feel the pain. He wanted to feel _something else_.

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I guess you've figured out by now that I like angst ;-; Please review if you want to :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: It's not as easy as it sounds**

The next day Nick felt like he got hit by a bus. At least 5 times. After he had run out of tears, Nick did what he had got used to doing, drank his problems away.

Now he was dragging himself through the hallways of the crime lab, _praying_ he wouldn't bump into Greg. That's the last thing he wanted right now. He wasn't done fighting, but after yesterday he just wanted to give it a couple days and let the dust settle. God, he was so tired. But he wouldn't give up.

_Little did he know how tired __Greg__ really was._

"Hey Warrick", Nick greeted his friend as he walked into the break room.

"Hey buddy. What's up?"

"Nothing much", if only you knew. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"No, not really. Why? "Warrick asked.

"I could really use a drink", maybe twenty.

Nick's invite surprised Warrick a little. His friend has been so depressed about the breakup that they haven't hung out in a long time. "Sure, I'm on" Warrick smiled.

"Great, I'll see you after the shift." Nick smiled. He was about to leave when he turned around and asked, "Have you seen Greg by the way? Do you know if he's in tonight?"

"No, he called in sick. He took two days off. Why, did something happen between you two?" Warrick asked.

"Just wondering. I needed to tell him something, but that can wait." He lied quickly. That rain yesterday really did get Greg sick, he should have guessed. Nick had never met anyone who could catch a cold as easily as Greg. That boy was always sick.

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Nick really enjoyed spending the night catching up with his friend. He never even realized how far he had drifted away from social life within the 2 heartbreaking months. He learned that Warrick had finally made the move and asked Catherine out. Nick was beyond excited about that, it was painful to watch those two flirting to each other but not getting together. They stayed in the bar for hours just chatting and having a good time. For once Nick could forget about Greg for awhile so he could gather up some energy for his next battle. He would get him back, no matter what.

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The next day Nick felt a lot better. He hadn't drunk as much as he planned to and for the first time in a couple of months he didn't bring a stranger to his bed, because he still had hope for Greg. This was gonna be a good day, he just hoped Greg's cold had gone away so they could talk.

"Sara?" Nick called out when he stepped into the locker room.

She pulled her head out of the locker and looked at her Texan friend. "What do you want?" she growled. Sara's intention was to sound friendlier, but when she saw that smirk on his face she couldn't help herself.

"Wow. Good morning to you too sunshine." Nick joked.

"Asshole", Sara hissed.

That took Nick by surprised. "What? What's wrong? Did I do something?"

"Oh I don't know… nothing special, except maybe broke your ex-boyfriend?" her voice was getting really angry.

Nick sighed. "I thought we had this conversation already and I thought we were cool."

"You're right", Sara said. "But that was before you decided to rub some salt into Greg's wounds and play tennis with his heart."

Greg had told Sara about that night. "I didn't though. I only talked to Greg about our relationship and how I wanted to fix it. I came out to my parents, they disowned me."

"Boo hoo, how sad." Sara was mean and she knew it, but Greg was shattered in pieces, she was allowed to give Nick some hell. "You made him believe that there was hope in you two and Greg was actually thinking about taking you back. But having that talk, you made him go through all the shit you've put him through for the second time and Greg can't take that."

"Greg was thinking about taking me back? He sure didn't seem like it, he was the one pushing me away." Nick accused.

"That's because he's smart, you idiot! Of course he _shouldn't_ take you back, but now his mind and emotions are all fucked up and he doesn't know what to do. I told him to move on and I hope to God you do the same, because I can't watch my friend go through this again. I love you Nick, I really do, but you've done enough damage to Greg. Please just… leave him alone."

A single tear rolled down Nick's cheek but he wiped it away with his sleeve before it dropped to the floor. Sara was right. He had been acting selfish and didn't think about Greg's feelings. This must be harder for the younger man than it was for him. _God Stokes, you really should get brains_.

All the hope that filled Nick's soul this morning was gone. He had to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about Greg. That poor guy had gone through so much in his life, he didn't need an overly-attached boyfriend to play with his heart. At least what's left of it…

But he loved Greg too much! He wanted nothing more than to share his life with him again. Sure they had their ups and downs, but most of it was magical. If Nick could just make Greg remember how amazing their relationship was, then maybe there was a chance that they would work things out. But he also had to give him time. More than a day or two. Maybe in few months or half a year their minds aren't completely dull from the fighting and they could start over.

This time Nick would wait and let Greg take over.

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I know, it's a short chapter again, but as I said before, I'm not a writer and I don't have a creative mind :D If you liked it, please review :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Please**

Greg had been on sick leave for 3 days now and it made Nick angry at himself. He knew how easily Greg got sick, but still he kept him in the rain because he wasn't willing to let go. It was boring in the lab without him. Greg didn't talk to Nick that much anymore, but he still joked around when they were all gathered in the break room.

Today the whole team was on a break at the same time, having fun and enjoying each other's company. Little did Nick know that he was about to have the most intimidating call of his entire life.

"So when I asked the suspect about the blood on his shirt, he said it was from a nose bleed, can you believe that?" Warrick laughed. "The shirt was SOAKED."

"Some people just make our job too easy for us." Catherine chuckled.

"I know right! Last week when I asked a guy about a bruise under his eye, he said he accidentally hit himself" Sara giggled. "He could've said he ran into a doorframe or something!"

They all laughed together and Nick felt like things were actually getting better.

Then his phone rang.

"Oh, excuse me." Nick picked up his phone and was shocked to see his ex-boyfriend's name appear on the screen. He answered in a flash "Hey G, how are you feeling?"

Greg let out a sob.

"Greg?" The look on Nick's face scared everybody else in the room

"I can't do this Nick", he tried to catch a breath but he was sobbing too hard. "It's just too hard."

Nick was in complete panic. How could he be so stupid? Greg was _suicidal_. "Greg please, talk to me, what's going on?" Nick stood up from the chair as fast as he could, mouthed "Greg" to Sara and that's all she needed to know before she grabbed her keys and sprung out of the lab. Nick took off towards the AV lab, others running behind him. They had to track his phone call as soon as possible just in case he wasn't at home waiting for Sara's arrival.

"I just… I can't do this anymore! It hurts too much." The sobbing was getting louder. "I just can't… I'm sorry"

"Greg, please listen to me. I'll always be here for you, you can talk to me. We can get through this together, just please" Nick took a breath. "_please don't do anything stupid_"

Greg continued sobbing while the team arrived at the AV lab.

"Nicky, what the hell is going on?" Catherine whispered.

"Greg? Greg are you still with me?" Nick grabbed a paper and began writing something. Archie, Warrick, Catherine and Grissom were all anxious to find out what was going on with their friend, but when Nick revealed the paper they all felt like collapsing.

_Greg is about to commit suicide._

Archie had never typed faster as he began to track the phone call. Greg was one of his best friends from lab and he couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Catherine looked like she was about to faint, she couldn't believe that their innocent Greg could have such dark thoughts. Warrick and Grissom just stood there helpless. They wanted to help, but there was nothing they could do. Just listen to Nick's desperate voice trying to stop their youngest.

"Greg?-"

"I just wanted to hear your voice for the one last time", his voice a lot calmer now. That was not a good thing and Nick knew it. "I wanted you to know how much you meant to me."

"Greg, you don't have to do this. Please let me help you. We can get you better-"

"I know I made it sound like I hated you, and I did for a while-"

"Greg please", Nick's voice was cracking and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Tears were rolling down his face but he didn't care.

Something flashed on Archie's screen. "Oh my god… " Archie whispered… Nick felt like throwing up. "He's at the Golden Gate."

_That's why he took time off from work. _

Catherine ran out of the room phone attached to her ear. They had a possibility of saving their friend.

"-but to be honest… You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You pulled me out of the dark and made me happy. Even before we were together" Greg continued.

"And we can still have that happiness Greg. I can make you happy again, just please give me a chance. _I love you_" Nick cried out.

"No…" Greg whimpered. "No we can't. I realized it three days ago in the rain. Our relationship was doomed long before either of us knew."

Greg's sad voice broke Nick's heart. "Greggo, please. Suicide isn't the answer. It never is."

"When you really want to die… It is." Greg whispered. "Have you ever been depressed, Nick? And I mean REALLY depressed? Do you know what it feels like?" Greg was speaking so quietly now that Nick struggled to hear his voice.

"No, Greg I haven't, but I know-"

"You don't know shit Nick! You have no fucking idea what I'm going through so shut up!" Greg began yelling

Nick knew Greg's depression was serious, but he never got to witness it. And now here he was trying everything he could to stop the love of his life from jumping into the cold death. Cold shivers ran down Nick's back when the image of a lifeless body of his ex-boyfriend ran through his mind.

"Okay, Greg. I don't know what you're going through, why don't you talk to me about it? Make me understand?" Nick had to keep Greg talking.

"I can't-"

That was when Nick heard the sound of an angel. Catherine had alerted Californian police department and they had rushed to stop Greg.

"Sir, are you okay?" he heard from the distance.

"Of course you would." Greg spat out. "I appreciate your effort, but nothing's gonna stop me this time. I'm sorry." –click.

He had hung up.

"Greg? GREG!" Nick knew that the call had been disconnected, but he couldn't stop himself from screaming. He was left in the darkness of his ex-lovers fate.

"Nick?" Warrick took a step closer to his crying friend.

"Get Catherine!" Nick shouted.

Warrick nodded and ran out of the room. Nick couldn't believe what was happening. His Greggo, sweet beloved Greg could already be dead. If he jumped, there wasn't much of a chance that he survived, even with medical help. That is, _if they found his body_

Sara brought Nick out of his shock when she stepped into the lab, mascara running all over her face. She was holding a paper in her hands.

"I… I found this inside his apartment and-, and I…" She started sobbing. Grissom didn't waste a second when he crossed the room and leaped Sara into his arms.

Nick picked up the paper from Sara's delicate hands. It was Greg's suicide note.

_Oh God…_ Nick couldn't bring himself to read it, not just yet. Warrick walked back into the AV lab with Catherine and she told that all they could do was to wait for the call from California's police department.

Nick tried to keep calm, but he was failing. After couple of minutes he doubled over the nearest trash can and threw up his lunch.

Please be ok. _Please_.

* * *

please review? ;-;


	6. Chapter 6

The final chapter of my first fanfic!

**Warnings:** character death

**Chapter 6: Whiskey Lullaby**

_We found him with his face down in the pillow_

_With a note that said I'll love him till I die_

_And when we buried him beneath the willow_

_The angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

Nick was sitting in his dark bedroom, next to his bed that he used to share with Greg. He looked up from his hands and saw a picture of them two on top of the dresser. They had taken it on their one year anniversary, when Nick took Greg to the Grand Canyon. It was Nick's favorite picture of them together, the sun was setting on the background and they looked so happy. Yes, they broke up over 3 months ago, but he couldn't throw the pictures away. Not now when they were the only memory of the man he loved. Nick drowned another sob into his drink. He couldn't wash away the memory of the day he lost his partner in life for good.

_**Flashback, 1 month ago.**_

_They were all sitting in the AV lab, waiting for the news about their friend. Their beloved Greg. The guy who could light up the room with only his smile. The guy who made Nick happier than anybody else. The guy who Sara could always count on. Her best friend. The guy who was always the first one to cheer Cath up if she ever felt down. The guy who always laughed at Warrick's jokes, no matter how bad they were. The guy who never let it unknown how much he admired Grissom. The guy who was the glue of the team._

_It must have been at least two hours before they finally heard it. Catherine's phone rang. Everybody just stared at her in fear, before Nick choked something that others assumed was "Answer it." _

_Cath nervously picked up her phone and answered it "Catherine Willows… " _

_Everybody held their breaths, this was it. This was the moment of truth everybody was afraid of. _

"_Yes…" Catherine whispered. _

_pause_

_Her expression said it all. _

_**Greg did not make it**_

Nick Stokes had not smiled, looked people in the eye or even talked to anybody after the day. He was just _there_. Just like Kate was. Just… _there_. Only sound that had escaped his mouth were the unstoppable sobs that echoed in his empty apartment. He didn't go a day without crying… Hell he didn't go _an hour_ without crying. The pain was _unbearable_.

The funeral was small. Greg didn't really have many people in his life since he was also disowned by his parents. He didn't have friends outside of work, and Nick was the only guy he had dated after college. Nick felt really bad for Greg. The church was almost empty. Just him, the team, a couple of police officers and few lab rats.

The ceremony was short, and after that they transferred to the cemetery where they said their final goodbye to Gregory Hojem Sanders.

Nick had never cried as much as he did when he saw his life lowered into the empty hole on the ground.

It wasn't until he saw the gravestone when it really hit him. Greg Sanders was now, once and for all, _gone_.

Nick refused to see people, all he wanted and needed was Greg. But he couldn't have him, because he jumped off a fucking bridge because of him.

Everybody told Nick to stop blaming himself. Everybody told him that _it wasn't his fault_, but Nick knew… He _knew_ it was his fault. He was the reason why Greg's body was lying 6 feet under instead of in his arms. The thought of Greg in the coffin made Nick break down again. He couldn't do this. Not without Greg.

_He finally knew what it felt like. _Just for different reasons.

He wanted to die, more than anything. The thing that killed him the most was that _he _made _Greg_ feel like this. He made Greg feel this pain, only he didn't know how much stronger it was for his ex-boyfriend.

_Ex-boyfriend_

If only Nick had realized how perfect his life was sooner, he wouldn't be sitting in his room, drunken out of his mind and crying his eyes out. He would probably be arriving home from work with Greg, warming up some leftovers, and cuddling him up while watching the TV. Maybe even making out with him afterwards. If only Nick hadn't been so _stupid_.

How could anyone say that it wasn't his fault? He should be locked up for _murder_. Greg's blood was on his hands and he couldn't take it. He couldn't continue knowing that he was the one who killed Greg. He killed the love of his life. _He killed Greg_.

Nick rose up from his position on the floor, stumbled over the dresser and picked up the photo. He was going to be with Greg. He said he wouldn't give up, and he was a man of his words.

Nick opened his bathroom cabinet and grabbed a bottle of painkillers. He had never in his long life thought he would die through his own hands. He used to be so happy. He was on top of the world. With Greg.

And now for the first time since Greg's death, Nick didn't cry.

He slowly walked towards his bed, lowered himself on the mattress and poured the pills on his hand.

_Wow…_

_This is it. This is the last day of my life. _

Nick always thought he would be scared shitless when _the day_ finally arrived, but he wasn't. He felt something he hadn't for a long time. He felt happy, because he was going to see Greg. Well… maybe not physically, but he was going to be with the man he loved. For the rest of his life.

He grabbed the only bottle that still had alcohol in it and swallowed the pills along with the burning liquid. He didn't feel anything yet, so he just laid down on the bed, staring at the picture. It took some time for the painkillers to kick in, but when they did, Nick felt peace.

There was only one face in his mind before he knew no more…

… and the face belonged to Greg Sanders.

_We found him with his face down in the pillow_

_Clinging to his picture for dear life_

_We laid him next to him beneath the willow_

_While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

So that was it! I've read a lot of Greg/Nick fanfics about suicide and depression, but they all had the same scheme: one of them is depressed and (maybe) wants to kill themselves, they get together and say how much they love each other, battle through it and live happily ever after and I wanted to write something different. I know it's sad how much I love angst stories and spend HOURS every day reading them, but idk, there's something special about them. BUT I would NEVER EVER want this kind of stuff to happen on the show, NEVER.

If you enjoyed this story, please review! I like getting comments AND critics. If there's something you didn't like about this story, please share it with me, so I know better next time! :)

Maybe, who knows? I'm not that much of a writer xD


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